Saturday, September 12, 2009


I'm too intimate.
This I have decided.

Anyway, being with Dillan is like. . . well, not like a light in the dark, but. . .
"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."

It's confusing. When I'm around him, it's like my heart is on morphine and my nerves are on ecstasy. I question everything I do but I don't regret. His hands on me is like my skin being touched by a live wire. I want him to have my everything, it scares me to death. I want to be his everything.

And these feelings occurred so very quickly, my heart leaped right into traffic-- where all my life, it has always stayed on the sidewalk before venturing off. The physical has always been so easy, so natural. My body has never meant anything to me, only a tool that I can use to demonstrate what I'm feeling. What I prize is inside; a string of broken threads, tangles of skein, things that I don't easily let out of my sight for fear that. . . someone will finally rip them right from my chest. This, though? I want him to run his fingers along the frays. . . maybe tie them onto his own. . .

It's not about what I want though :) Ah. I feel so happy. I just hope I make the right choices. I don't want to loose someone over my inability to express my happiness in a way that. . . pleases them. . .

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